Day 7 of my fast was so difficult for me emotionally and spiritually. I feel like the devil is trying to keep my soul lost, he got in my head for a little while yesterday. I broke down and cried it out and talked to God and I asked him to help me get through this. I asked him to give me the strength internally to fight what the devil was trying to do. I texted my Moma and she called me. She told me to talk to God again, so when I got off the phone with her I did. I got in the shower and broke down again and talked to God again. The devil was trying to play on my struggles the tings that i am trying to work on within myself; Self-Love and Self-Worth. He almost got to me using my two biggest struggles, but God did not let him. I am so grateful for that. I knew that this fast would get difficult as days went on and the faith, trust, and connection that I am trying to rebuild with God is being tested. I don't like it, but if that is in God's plan for me then I accept that and that is fine. I refuse to let the devil take me down using my insecurities and my mental struggles. Writing this I understand why that happened yesterday, I have been asking God to God me to my next task in my journey to getting back to me fully. In my struggle and my cries it was revealed. I need to work on Self-Love and my Self-Worth. Which was my topic for this blog this week anyway. He is putting everything in place for me, I see that now.
Self-Love is having regard for one's own well being and happiness. I read an article by Nitika Chopra entitled 10 Wonderful Ways to Practice Self-Love. All ten ways were helpful and I will be using some of them over the next couple of weeks, but numbers 6 and 10 stood out the most for me in particular.
6. No Comparisons
"The next time you want to browse the web for reasons to feel bad about yourself, remember that you are perfect just the way you are; being in a pattern of compare and desire only makes you focus on the negative, when there's so much to be grateful for."
10. Build your Letting go Muscle
" We're constantly holding on to things in our past, and it can tend to weigh heavy on our souls and even give us low self-esteem. The more blocks we clear, the more we can really live big in the area of Self-love. Although we may do this as a way to protect ourselves from hurting, it is really only holding us back from moving forward to reaching optimal self acceptance and loving who we are."
The whole article was helpful to me, but those two really gave me something to think about. I need to read those out loud to myself from time to time.
Self-Worth is a sense of one's own value or worth as a person. I read an article entitled The Importance of Self-Worth by Psych Alive. There was a take away that hit me; it is something that I feel will be helpful in my day to day.
COAL Attitude
Curious Open Accepting and Loving your experiences rather than being self-critical.
1. Acknowledge and notice suffering
2. Be kind and caring in response to suffering
3. Remember imperfections is a part of the human experience and something we all share.
I am my own worst critic. I sometimes tear myself down when I'm already down, i know that I have to stop doing that. The COAL Attitude is something that I plan to adopt as apart of my everyday life and through that I will be that much better.
Take Aways - God is Closer Than You Think (John Ortberg)
Over the past week I read this book and it talked about the presence of God. Reading this book made me feel so much closer to God. The author put things in perspective in the way of making me realize fully that God is everywhere, I felt as though he was with me when I read the book. In chapter 7 Spiritual Pathways, he wrote about the different pathways people take in getting closer to and with our relationship with God. The one I identified most with was the Contemplative Pathway (page 119). I felt so at peace while I was reading this book.
The moment that I took a break from reading the last chapter was when I had my break down and the devil tried to get me. But he didn't and I am grateful.
In this book, he also wrote about the different seasons and how for him winter in so many words represents the struggle of your spiritual journey or just life period. I think this was in chapter 9.He wrote about and referenced when the bad things are going on that it is like your winter. Like that is when in your life that people God is NOT present. Oh but he is. I have always been told by my mom, " God won't put nothing on you that you can't handle" and "There is a reason for everything that you go through everything happens for a reason". I am in my coldest winter metaphorically right now and it is hard. I had that mental break down yesterday, but I am okay, I got through it. I talked it out with God and my momma and I'm okay. There were so many take always from this amazing book. Check out my podcast and Vlog (details below) to learn a few more of my take always from this book. Get your copy by clicking the image of the book.
Over the next couple weeks, I will be working on the third task that was revealed to me while I am still completing my second task. There was a scripture that I read in Proverbs 3:15-18 (NKJV)
15 She is more precious than rubies
And all the things you desire cannot compare with her
16 Length of days is in her right hand,
In her left hand riches and honor.
17 Her ways of pleasantness, And all her paths are peace
18 She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her,
And happy are all who retain her.
This scripture made me feel so good about myself. For the next two weeks I will re this to myself every morning before I do anything. I will write down everything that I need to let go of pray about it and let it all out, then truly let it it all go. I will write down all the good in my life, and all the things I love about myself and read them daily. These are my task for the next two weeks. Through this I hope to completely use my "let go muscle" and also to accept and love myself whole heartily and completely never looking back again and continuing to grow and move forward in my life.
Have you ever taken a journey of self- rediscover? What was your journey like and what did you do to get through?